It’s going well your Popeishness.

It was an hour to go until the New Year was upon us. I had finally finished smoking a salmon [See: I know of four categories of people.]. When the Pope phoned me up [See: Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday, Britney, Beyonce, Christina? Madonna! and Madonna! Pope Eugenius III..]

“Hello?” I suggested.
“Eh Alphanzo howzaitgoin’?” he was clearly so drunk that he’d forgotten that despite being the pope in Rome, he was in no way Italian and was in fact Polish.
“It’s going well your Popeishness. How about you?”
“Oh not too bad, I’ve been getting into a bit of trouble with this new movie by Mel Gibson but other than that I’m fine.”
“I’m glad to hear it. So… Is there anything I can help you with?”
“Well there is as a matter of fact. We’ve decided to consider your calendar. But first I want you to try it out on your website. That way we can see if it works. Whaddaya think?”
“Well I’d be glad to give it a go. I’ll add it onto the archive page.”
“Sounds great – I look forward to it.”
“Great, well happy new year your honour.”
“What, is it the new year?”
“Yes.”
“Man I need to get me one of those calendars you seem so keen on.”

And with that he hung up.

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