Monthly Archives: November 2015

Split Screen

Since this blog has been restarted there has been an amazing reaction from the movers, and to a certain extent the shakers (although I will be honest and state, for the record, that the shakers were a lot more interested in making wooden furniture than I had initially imagined). The advertising spods have been straight on it… Urging me to leverage my brand into another vertical – as if that’s a thing.

Well I do have a business idea and it concerns the pictures, you know the flicks, you know the movies? How about this plan?

Well what do you think?

Oh you’re just going to give it the silent treatment – how rude.

Oh I suppose you insist everyone explains their actual idea before casting judgement, Cuh!

Well here it is, half a film in your lunch break.

The first half of a film is shown twice, once from 12-1 and again between 1-2. And then the second half shown twice on the next day.

Films are shown like that for a week – on Monday & Tuesday, then again on Wednesday & Thursday, and on Friday they whole film is shown.

Only 90 minute films are shown so you see 45 minutes of film in the hour slot, which means you can get in and out in your lunch break.

Say this week the film is going to be everyone’s favourite golfing film -Caddyshack. I take my lunch break at 12 o’clock, so I zip down the pictures and watch the first half of the film. On Tuesday my 11 o’clock meeting is running late, so I decide to take lunch at 1pm and watch the second half. Or I could have decided to wait until Thursday when the second half was also on.

Now I know I’m not a movie mogul or an owner of a cinema. But if you want to steal my idea please do. Just call it Split Screen and I’ll be happy.

Nina and the lost dog

Nina was walking along one day when she heard a dog barking and ran over to see what was going on. She saw a dog walking along and barking with it’s lead trailing behind it.

“Hello,” said Nina.
“Hello,” said the dog.
“Why are you barking?” asked Nina.
“Because I’ve lost my owner,” said the dog.
“Oh dear,” said Nina, “I’ll have to help you find them, my name is Nina by the way, what’s yours?”
“My name is Patch,” said the dog.

Nina and Patch went walking along looking everywhere for Patch’s owner.

“What is the name of your owner?” asked Nina.
“Her name is Lucy,” said Patch.
“Well let’s shout it out…”

“Lucy, Lucy, hello, we’ve got Patch”

But who should turn up but Nina’s cousin Oliver.

“Hello, Oliver,” said Nina.
“Hello, Nina,” said Oliver.
“Can you help us find Patch’s owner?”
“Yes,” said Oliver, “you haven’t got lost again have you Patch.”
Patch had to say that he had, and he looked quite upset about it.
“Don’t worry,” said Nina, “we’ll find Lucy”.

“Lucy, Lucy, hello, we’ve got Patch” they all shouted.

This time Lucy actually did turn up and she said, “Patch, Patch, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I didn’t come here before because I was looking somewhere else.

“Don’t worry,” said Nina, “we’ve been looking after Patch for you”.
“Thank you for doing that,” said Lucy.
“And thank you for finding me,” said Patch.

And then it was time for everyone to go home.

The end.

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates

Life is only like a box of chocolates, if you throw away the bit of paper with the descriptions on it. Obviously then you would never know what you were going to get, but you have to ask yourself why? Why would you throw away the bit of paper if you hadn’t finished the chocolates? I mean are you stupid or what? But in the end it’s all chocolate. It’s not as if you are about to find the lost treasure of Sierra Madre. It’s chocolate, chocolate, chocolate with a nut, chocolate, chocolate with a different kind of nut. If you never knew what you were going to get, it would be chocolate, chocolate, experimental poetry, chocolate, atomic bomb. That’s what life’s like.