Category Archives: Ambient

The Ambient Appreciation Society of Stoke Newington – Part 2

Time to visit the Ambient Appreciation Society of Stoke Newington. Or AASSN.

“Okay everyone, settle down now please, settle down”, Veronica managed to say this, shrug her shoulders as though she wanted to convey that she couldn’t believe that she was having to be in charge again, and sound like she was totally in charge at the same time.

“Excuse me,” said Sarah gently, and then more insistently, “STEVE!”

Sarah was holoprojecting her presence into the Non Denomination Shared Community Space in association with PepsiMax Main Room today, and Steve had just accidentally placed his didgeridoo through her midriff.

“Sorry Sarah, keep your eyebrows* on.”

Veronica actually stood up, “please would everyone try and keep calm, we are supposed to be here to create relaxing music, not winding each other up”.

“Misnomer”, mumbled Malcolm.
“What was that Malcolm?” asked Veronica.
“I… Look… I was just saying that it was a misnomer to suggest that all ambient music was relaxing.”
“Yes,” added Steve, “that is to conflate ambient music with that stuff you get in a massage parlour”.
“Indeed,” said Malcolm, “and although clearly an influence on such music, the root of the…”
“I. DONT. CARE.”, Veronica shouted. “Just shut up, and then we can actually get started.”
“I don’t think…”, Malcolm started, but then tailed off under Veronica’s glare. But then he decided that he better start up again, “… I just don’t think we’ve actually decided what we are actually going to play”. He looked worried for a second and then added, “that’s right, isn’t it?”
Sarah came to his rescue, “well that is actually right, sorry V”.

*The phrase “to keep your hair on” had been phased out after baldness had been cured. For some reason once baldness disappeared the phrase seems to have slowly transferred to eyebrows rather than hair. Some scholars have speculated that this may be related to raising of eyebrows when surprised.

The Ambient Appreciation society of Stoke Newington

Time to visit the Ambient Appreciation Society of Stoke Newington. Or AASSN.

As Veronica adjusts the aircon in the “Non Denomination Shared Community Space in association with PepsiMax” main room, she can hear the whoosh swoosh of Malcolm’s hover roller skates*.

“Always first,” she thinks, “so keen, goody bloody twoshoes”. She thought this without being aware of herself always being first.

There’s a noise of a creek, thump, creeeeek, thump, creeek, crash.

“What has he found now?”

Malcolm enters dragging a bit of wood that is carved to look like a rectangle with another rectangle inside it.

“What,” Veronica asks, “is that?”

“Oh, hello to you too Veronica.”
“Hello Malc”
“Thank you”, says Malcolm without a side to his comment, Veronica isn’t sure that Malcolm has a side to anything.

Malcolm starts busying himself with something in his bag.

Veronica makes a noise with her throat, “Ah, hem”.
“What’s up V?”
“That,” she pointed hopelessly, “what is that?”
“Oh this? This is a door. It creeks when you open it.”
“A door?”
“Yeah it’s crazy isn’t it. These doors are impossible to find, well they are with the door hole attached.”
“And we need this why?”
“Well for door creeks of course, lots of Ambient music has it in. I mean if we can get a swing, a well and a sheep we can do Virginia Astley live.”
“Sheep are extinct.”
“Hey, a boy can dream.”
“I hear Tom has been practicing making a new noise.”
“I’ve heard that too, but…”
“But what?”, said Veronica.
“I mean, it’s great that Tom is doing that, is filling in the gaps, but I want it all to be real.”
“I know you do, Malc.”

* Malcolm used to have a hover board, but felt it was way too mainstream. His hover roller skates were in fact some roller skates from the 21st Century fused to a hover board which he’d painted with invisiblity paint.