Back to me writing for Part 3
Snakebite had just mentioned how much he admired Felicity’s clothing, but that was simply him skirting round the issue.
“So what can you tell me about this case Miss Trousers?”
“I can’t tell you anything about the case until you agree to take it. I know the rules.”
“Well I don’t, Miss Trousers. I’ve never met a rule I wouldn’t break to break a case wide open. I’m wide open to breaking rules – you could say.”
“I’m not sure I could.”
“Really? It’s just a few words?”
“No I mean, I couldn’t say if those words applied to you Mr McMuffin.”
“Call me Snakebite.”
“Okay, I couldn’t say if those words applied to you Snake… No I really prefer Mr McMuffin.”
“Please yourself Ma’am.”
“Don’t call me Ma’am, I’m not a old lady.”
“Well don’t call me Mr McMuffin. Mr McMuffin was my uncle.”
“What was your father?”
“He was Mr McMuffin’s brother.”
“No, I mean what was he referred to as?”
“‘Mr McMuffin’s brother’, I just told you. His whole life he never once engaged anyone in direct conversation so people just referred to him indirectly.”
“What not even your mother?”
“No, she was a deaf, blind, mute, autistic son of a bitch – but I loved her, and so did he – not that he said.”
“You had quite an odd childhood.”
“By all accounts, so did you Miss Trousers.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Snakebite could see she was unsettled by this. Partly because she took a step backwards, but partly because she lost her balance and fell to the floor. Snakebite rushed forwards to help her up, but she was already getting up and they knocked heads.
“Sorry,” she said.
“No, it was my fault,” said Snakebite.
“I was taken aback.”
“Yes, that’s why I said it.”
“I just wasn’t expecting you to know anything about my childhood.”
“Well I told you, your father trusted me.”
“But how much? How much did he trust you?”
“Well he let me borrow his 1st edition pressing of the White Album which had been signed by all of the fab four and rather bizarrely Elvis.”
“But father never let anyone borrow his 1st edition pressing of the White Album which had been signed by all of the fab four and rather bizarrely Elvis.”
“Well he didn’t let anyone but me borrow it.”
“He must have trusted you.”
“Yes. He did.”
“And you in turn returned his trust?”
“Well lets just put it this way, I returned his record.”
Miss Trousers visibly crumpled at this point. Snakebite knew that if he was going to press forward with this case then he was going to have to iron out some of the details.
“So, Miss Trousers. Your father trusted me. You can trust me. Please. Tell me what is the nature of this case?”
“Well,” said Felicity, “it’s like this…”
[What is it like? Tune in for the final part on Friday next week (or thereabouts)]