Mum, you just called me sweetheart

I’m a sensitive flower me. Or at least that’s what I think my mother meant when she used to call me “Petal”.

Actually my mother is trying very hard at the moment to stop herself from calling us by names like that because of the following incident which I will now relate.

My brother, whose name is Peter (Pete to the likes of you), had his girlfriend over at my mother’s house three or four months ago. And my mother absent mindedly called him “Pumpkin”. Debbie, being a kind hearted and generous soul, laughed her ass off.

About a month ago it was coming up to Halloween and Debbie, Pete and me were at my mothers house again. My family being American in origin were carving pumpkins. My brother was clearly upset when my mother brought out the first pumpkin and my mother noticed and asked him why he was looking so glum?

Apparently Debbie, who I’ll remind you is a kind and generous soul, told every single one of their friends that my mother had called him pumpkin. And now everywhere he goes he goes to the tune of “Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater etc.” (They don’t know the rest of the words so they do actually sing the “etc” part).

My mother was so embarrassed that she promised to never call him by a nickname again. In fact the conversation went something like this:

Mum: Oh I’m so sorry, I won’t ever call you by a nickname again, I’m sorry sweetheart.
Pete: Mum, you just called me sweetheart.
Debbie: [Couldn’t say anything because she’s laughing her ass off]
Me: Debbie, you know why she calls him Sweetheart? Because she makes it rhyme with Peteheart. [N.B. This is true she calls him “Sweety Pete” and “Sweetheart Peteheart”]
Mum: [Trying desperately to remember my name] Peter, Heather, Tammy stop that. Don’t say that.

So in the end I think I came off worst. Heather is the name of one of my mother’s sisters and Tammy is the name of my mother’s dog.

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