“Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
Why do people say this? Does it make any sense to you? Really…
…no, it doesn’t, does it? First of all, why would you want to sleep tight? That sounds awful. Sleeping loose is clearly the first requirement of a good night’s sleep. You can almost imagine this person sending you to bed by saying, “sleep tight and don’t forget to grind your teeth”.
No sleeping loose is right at the top of my bedtime agenda. So that’s at least 50% of this phrase that plain doesn’t work.
Let’s look at the other half. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Maybe this is why you’re sleeping tight? Because you are supposed to be keeping ever vigilant for these bed monsters who are coming to devour you.
Bed bugs – the actual things – don’t actually bite you.* So why lie? Is this just to scare children? I mean, if we’re going for that then we can surely do much better. We’re clearly just allowed to make up anything.
“Good night, oh just before you go to bed, just keep an eye out and let me know in the morning?”
“Well, when I was in your room earlier, I thought I could hear your duvet breathing. And I swear it finished making the bed itself. I was probably confused though. Let me know in the morning.”
I am sure you can do even better. Do let me know in the comments.
* Look, let’s be all non-squeamish about this – but don’t read the next footnote if you don’t like that kind of thing.**
** They eat the bits of skin you are no longer using.