How many holes does your shirt have?

Katherine called out to give me an update on matters of laundry, “you have a hole in your shirt”.

“Oh dear, that’s a shame,” I answered, “I’ll have to buy a new one.”

This, I knew was the nice safe answer. The answer that would steer me out of danger. It wasn’t the answer I was thinking of though. I really wanted to say, “that’s good, otherwise I’d never be able to put it on”. But I guessed, rightly I’m sure, that this wouldn’t be what she wanted to hear.

Of course this got me thinking, just how many holes do I have in my shirt?

Well when it’s buttoned there is the one for my neck and the one for my torso. There are the two for my arms and there are the two for the cufflinks I’m not wearing (this shirt has buttons and cufflink holes). There are also the two holes that are there so that when you roll up your sleeves you have enough material to do so. These are the kind of slits (or darts if you prefer) that run down the last quarter of your sleeves on the inside. Also my top button is undone giving one extra hole (the buttonhole). And finally the shirt pocket hole. So done up my shirt has 10 holes.

What about undone?

Well, if I roll up my shirtsleeves I don’t actually change the number of holes as I gain two for the buttonholes and lose two for the slits as they are now subsumed into the sleeve holes.

On the front of my shirt I get two extra holes for the collar buttons and I lose two for opening the shirt. The head and torso hole disapear. But I do gain one hole per button. There are eight buttons on the front of my shirt but the top one was already open. So I add seven.

So when open my shirt has 17 holes! So what’s an extra hole here or there? I was obviously just trying to make it an even 18. I thought about mentioning this to Katherine but I decided this might cause more of my shirts to develop extra holes.

So, readers, how many holes do you have in your shirts?

13 thoughts on “How many holes does your shirt have?

  1. Christine says:

    What about when the shirt is done up, and there are the gaps between the buttons? (The bit that gapes if a shirt doesn’t fit right)Do they count as holes? Or is that just a necessary side effect of the buttoning process?

  2. kris says:

    Sorry. I mean, I know, and all, but really, these are the ramblings of a lunatic.A buttonhole is a buttonhole whether or not it has a button in it.

  3. Pete says:

    I have 19 – weird, you would think being my older brother and much more wealthy you could afford more holes in your shirt… hang on that sounds stupid. Do you think the design of cheep shirts is to prepare people for homelessness, so they chuck in a load of extra holes? Like the ones in some shirt under arms that ventilate so you don’t have to wash.

  4. Alex Andronov says:

    @ChristineYou’re right! That adds another 6 but only when closed! So it’s only 1 difference between buttoned and unbuttoned.

  5. kris says:

    You are counting things as holes when they are not. A gap is not a hole

  6. Alex Andronov says:

    @Pete perhaps you are buying more expensive shirts and that’s what makes me wealthier?

  7. Alex Andronov says:

    @krisSo the only holes are button holes and they stay holes regardless of if you have a button in there? Is that the kind of crazy talk you are attempting to bring?

  8. kris says:

    That is definitely true, yes.

  9. Alex Andronov says:

    [Kris enters a wine shop]Kris: This bottle of wine you have sold me has a hole in itShopkeeper: I am terribly sorry sir, is it leaking all over you?Kris: No it has a cork in the hole securely fastening itShopkeeper: Doesn’t that stop it from being a hole?Kris: No. Not semantically.[Shopkeeper takes bottle of wine and throws it at Kris]

  10. kris says:

    hahaha I’m not sure why I went into the shop, in that instance, mind you.

  11. Alex Andronov says:

    @krisTo make a semantic point.

  12. kris says:

    yeah ok, I can see that could happen

  13. kris says:

    Of course buttonholes are not the only holes in the world, but they are the only holes in yoiur shirt, except for the hole kat was trying to tell you about of course.There are various kinds of holes, right? So, there’s the kind of hole which kat was talking about – a rip or tear in the fabric of something. Then there are holes – like buttonholes – which are designed for something to go into and out of on a regular basis. Then there are holes which are made in order to make space for something else on a one-off basis. such as holes which are dug for foundations and suchlike. Are there any more holes?

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