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One of my favorite treats is going to see a film on a weekday afternoon. It always feels deliciously like bunking off. But sometimes it leads to rather odd situations. Like now I am writing this while sitting in a completely empty cinema – don’t worry the film hasn’t started yet.

I was once in this position before. I really wanted to go and see Texas Chainsaw Massacre when Camden re-approved the cut a few years ago. There is a strange set of rules surrounding what can and can’t be shown in cinemas and one of the rules is that basically local councils have the final say. Texas Chainsaw Massacre wasn’t available in the shops at the time so the fact that Camden allowed it was a pretty special occasion.

The only problem was that I couldn’t get anyone to go with me. The excuses were varied but most just didn’t see the appeal of going and watching a banned film. Nick must have had a much better more relevant excuse because I’m sure he’d have come along. Anyway it seemed to be a problem shared by others as when I arrived there was no-one else in the place. It’s always an odd sensation but when going to see such a supposedly scary movie I was pretty spooked.

But then something far worse happened. One other person arrived. I felt slightly worried, but surely some other people would come. No-one came. The guy was walking quite slowly along the aisle toward me. Despite his slow step he was breathing quite heavily. And then of course he sat down behind me.

I had no idea what to do. Could I actually sit through what was supposed to be the scariest movie of all time with somebody breathing down my neck? Should I move? Maybe he didn’t particularly want to sit behind me. Maybe he just liked that seat. Maybe I was encroaching on his space. Maybe I should move. But what if he followed me? That would be terrifying. So I just stayed there and it made me appreciate the movie even more.

I’d better stop now, some other people have arrived. And the movie is about to begin.