We’re pumpkin eating pixies you see.

On the doorstep of a house in Dorset a jack-o-lantern sits. And in this lantern round the tea light two little people sit. It’s Halloween and the magical world is alive for one night of the year. Witches eat their packed sandwiches, goblins gobble them all up, ghost eat toast, ghouls eat gruel and Tom and Andy, the two little people in the particular jack-o-lantern we’re interested in, eat pumpkins.

“I’m sick of pumpkin Tom.”
“Oh shut your cake-hole Andy.”
“Cake. That would be nice. A great big slab of chocolate cake.”
“Yuk. Andy you’re putting me off my food. It’s just unnatural.”
“Well I could put some pumpkin in it.”
“Why do you have to do anything to the pumpkins? Greatest thing in the world is a pumpkin!”
“But…”
“Now, I’ve had pumpkin pie before, but frankly the crust was take it or leave it and I left it. But that’s as far as it goes.”
“But…”
“We’re pumpkin eating pixies you see. That’s all there is to it. Pixius pumpkinus is our Latin name and there’s a reason for that.”
“But it’s a bit boring isn’t it.”
“No it’s a fascinating history of our species.”
“No I don’t mean that how we got out Latin name is boring, although it is when you hear it for the millionth time. Bui what I meant was PUMPKIN IS BORING.”
“Don’t be so mean. It will hear you and it might turn bad.”
“Turn bad? It’s bad already!”
“Listen Andy. Just shut up, alright? How did I get stuck with a radical on a night like tonight? It just doesn’t bear thinking about. Your cousin vouched for you and all, but I thought there was something of a glint in his eye. And I bet he didn’t have an albatross to Barbados scheduled for this week with non-refundable tickets. He probably just wanted to get rid of you.”

Andy starts crying.

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry mate. I didn’t mean it. Look cheer up. Have some ale. It’ll warm you up a bit.”

Andy take a mouthful and then spits it into Tom’s face. Tom’s taken aback but then he suddenly notices that Andy isn’t crying any more. He’s laughing.

“What,” says Tom, “are you laughing at?”
“You, of course. Oldest trick in the book and you fell for it. Remember three pumpkins back?”
“What at the Thompson’s?”
“Yeah. I asked you for a bite of the really juicy bit and you said ‘No’.”
“Yeah.”
“Well that juicy bit was a treat and this my friend was the trick. I so had you.”
“No you didn’t.”
“When you launched into that history speech I almost died.”
“Look shut up okay.”
“The guys at the patch are going to have a field day.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes.”

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