Monthly Archives: November 2006

A crusty old Sergeant Major

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala
event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There
was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
She said, “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”
“Negative, ma’am,” the Sergeant Major said,
“Just serious by nature.”
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
The Sergeant Major’s short reply was,
“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a
conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious
manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you
don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last
time you had sex?”
The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, “1955.”
She said, “Well, there you are. You really need to
chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I
mean, no sex since 1955! Isn’t that a little extreme?”
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in
his matter-of-fact voice, “You think so?
It’s only 2130 now.”

I was waiting for a taxi the other day

I had got on the wrong train by accident and this wrong train had taken me down a different fork of the line. Either I could have gone back into London or somehow I needed to cut across to the other arm of the fork. Taxi seemed to be the only reasonable option, but unfortunately they only had one taxi in this tiny little town. So I had to wait and wait I did. Unfortunately the little room that they had for waiting in was being kept at a healthy 100 degrees and the lady running the place was chain smoking so the room was humid, clammy and smoke ridden. And so I announced that I would wait outside.

I couldn’t tell if it was actually cool outside or just in comparison to the heat of inside. But it was that kind of cool rush that you get sometimes which is so deliciously enveloping.

Anyway, while I was waiting there the taxi driver arrived. He as a young Hindu guy and he’d been told by phone that I was waiting for him so when he walked up to the taxi rank he said “Are you the guy who wants to go to Otford”?

I told him that I was. He said, “Hi I’m the Turbanator”. And then he popped his head around the corner of the taxi office and said, “I found my fare, I’ll be back”.